It started with a smile...
The roller coaster ride of a thirty-something, twice-married (now single), unemployed, graduate student and mother of two who lives in beautiful California
- Name: 70BABE
- Location: Central California, United States
Nothing feels better than love.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Friday, January 28, 2005
Almost a full night's sleep!
Well, the baby woke up once last night, which was surprising and awesome at the same time. Last night, I had class til about 9 p.m. and then picked up my little one. This morning I had to drive to get Olive from her dad's and then to school on time. It was an hour roundtrip. What a pain. I am still exhausted. Vero called last night. I'm sure R called her to call me to see how the baby is doing. I don't know why he bothers. Just leave me alone. I mean, if you really wanted to know how the baby is doing, you would be here. There isn't much other news since I have been busy getting back into the swing of things with school and all. I do need to find a job and day care asap. I'm waiting to hear back on my financial aid appeal, which I certainly hope goes through. I seriously need the money. I am hurting big time here.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Not One Chose to Die...
You know, I'm not very religious even though I have my own convictions and I used to work at a Catholic school and all, but this slogan or phrase, "Not One Chose to Die" regarding Roe v. Wade is a little weak in my opinion. I mean, not one chose to live either, when you think about it. And furthermore, what choices does a "baby" actually make anyway? I try to stay neutral when explaining things to Olive, who is very curious about these signs up all over the place. My dad walked in an anti-abortion rally on Monday, which I found very interesting. Since when did he become the activist? I'm not really sure but I think it is all those churchy people he's been hanging around. It's not bad or good, it's just interesting to see...to see your parents changing before your eyes. Anyway, anything is better than that damn Amway phase they went through...! But, regarding abortion, I can't say I'm pro death but there really are some people out there that should NOT ever be parents. You say, give 'em up for adoption then, but easier said than done. I just read on another lady's blog that they were adopting a child from China. Apparently this child/infant was abandoned and found crying under a tree and was consequently sent to an orphanage. Yup, it's a girl. And due to their government's restrictions of how many children a couple can CHOOSE to bring to the world, they usually want to keep their boys. Thus, they get rid of the girls. I imagine if abortion was illegal we'd see more abandoned babies all over the place, like in China. I'm sure that baby chose to be abandoned, eh? Okay, enough soapbox. Anyway, my two "gifts from God" (that's what some guy at the Post Office called my kids) are loved completely and thoroughly. I am very proud of my Rico who flipped over on his back today. Olive and I were thrilled. She's at Girl Scouts now and wore her vest with ALL the patches on it. I sewed them on today and felt very proud to be a mom. Ha! When she was in catechism I went over to Longs and requested the eye drops for Rico I've been meaning to get. I also got him some saline nose drops since he's a little crusty there. Guess who I saw there? None other than Maggie...the lady that has 5 kids. She didn't see me but I thought it was interesting that I haven't seen her in over a year...then I see her twice in a week. There isn't much else going on. Olive was off today and it was nice having her around. I've banned her from television for a while. In my opinion, she needs to read more. I have another class tomorrow evening that I am excited to start. No word from the baby's father. See? Some people should NOT be parents...he is one.
The forecast in Heaven? Reign Forever!
Yah, I read that on a church sign yesterday and it made me laugh. I only have a few minutes to write as I am on my way out the door to do more laundry. It's raining today, hence the title of this post. I'll summarize in a nutshell what's going on and then I will write more later this evening, hopefully. Olive's dad called and wants to take her to Texas to see her grandparents in March. I have to give the "okay". I guess I will but I will be a worry wart the whole time. No word from Rico's dad, thank God, however someone did call me yesterday and I think it was him. Left no message. I started class last night and it is EASY. Everyone seemed excited to see me back and I was thankful to have adult conversation for a change. I have another class tomorrow night so we'll see how that one goes. Well, I'm off. I will be gone the rest of the day as Olive has catechism and Girl Scouts. Oh, geez, I forgot...I'm in charge of snack today....
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
It's supposed to be "No-Name Calling Week"
You-know-who called me last night. Yup, the baby's father. I mean what do I call him without sounding like such a bitch about things? The jerk? The sperm donor? The absent father? The biological father? The dirtbag? The scum? The insensitive bastard? I have no idea. His call was neutral as if he was choosing his words very carefully. He said he wants to "see" the baby. Does this mean he is going to violate the terms of the restraining order I have against him...? Obviously he is violating it by even calling me on the phone! I haven't been a stickler about it, but maybe I should. I've let him "see" the baby twice before. Why? I don't know. Maybe just because it's his offspring??? At any rate, he uses the "restraining order" to his favor by saying the reason why he doesn't want to be involved or a part of the baby's life is because of it. I certainly don't understand why he's calling me this week, if last week he so keen on abiding by the terms of that order. What's changed? Nothing. I'm telling you...he makes me sick. Anyway, I didn't answer the phone because I figured it was him and I was right. I didn't call him back either. Why should I? He hasn't done a darn thing for us. Nor has he paid any child support. He just up and left and now he wants to come around and "see" the baby? For what? I think not. I don't think he has any right...
Monday, January 24, 2005
Aunt T or Auntie...that's me!
Olive was late to school today because we woke up late AGAIN. My fault entirely since I'm the only "adult" around here. I wrote the office an excuse, stating I had a flat tire which is why she was late. Yah, it was kind of a stretch, but there was some truth to it. After I dropped her off, I did my Starbucks run and then got over to Sears for tires. The guy sold me on some BF Goodrichs which have a 75,000 mile warranty and free work when I get more nails in them...haha. I ended up walking around Sears and spending another $60 on clothes for me since nothing fits me anymore. I got a pair of jeans and four tops, all on clearance. After spending $130 on two flippin tires, I remembered I needed to pick up the film at the store. I took awesome pictures of my kids. I ran into Mr. C., my best friend, Lisa's dad at the store and he seemed a little put off at seeing me. Perhaps it was just my imagination. I got home and spent some time figuring out how to get the photos on the web for viewing and sharing. That's when I got the text message from Maria about her being pregnant. I emailed my mom who knew nothing about it but was happy there was some good news for a change. I get to be an aunt again! Woo hoo! You know, I wonder if Rico is teething already. He is REALLY cranky all the time and now he is chewing on his hand. It's a little early, I thought. Olive is in the tub now. I grounded her for today for not bringing home her spelling homework list AGAIN. No TV or computer for her. She said she will clean her room instead. DUH. Go figure. I'm excited...I start a new class tomorrow evening and another Thursday night. Very cool. Unlike the majority of people out there, I love school with a passion.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Who's going to the Superbowl?
I haven't the faintest idea. I heard from JP that the Eagles were going??? I think I was only half way paying attention as I was talking to him on the phone while feeding the baby. We never left the apartment today. My diet consisted of cornflakes for breakfast, a bite of an egg & chorizo burrito I made myself but decided I didn't like it after all, a corn dog for lunch, a bowl of top ramen soup for a mid-afternoon snack, and for dinner...a teeny piece of steak fired up on my George Foreman grill (which I love) and some rice. Notice there are no veggies or fruit in the mix. That is because I haven't gone shopping in a while. I did decide to drink only green tea today, which wasn't half bad. Most of my day was spent going through and purging old paperwork I have in various areas throughout my room. I'm trying to get rid of stuff before my next move. I found my rental agreement in the mess and I am locked in until April 30th, which gives me three months to throw things out and reorganize. If I decide to open a daycare here, I will have to clean up anyway. I ordered some Avon and chatted with my cousin in Georgia for a bit online. This afternoon I spoke with my mom a bit. She's not happy about the JP & Christina saga and asked me if I could call over there to see if everything was going okay. I complied and got my brother on the phone which startled me because my mom had told me that he had left the premises again. That was according to Christina at 10 a.m. this morning. I casually asked my brother how he was doing and he sounded a little slurrish. I asked him if they were planning a Superbowl party and he said that he wasn't going to be there then. I wondered if that meant he is planning to leave her for good, or what. I asked him if Christina was there and he said that she was sleeping or fake sleeping. She's really depressed...on Effexor. There wasn't much else to talk about since I could tell the conversation was going nowhere, but I did tell him that I understood what was going on in their relationship and that it was undoubtedly hard. Of course, after I hung up with him, I had to call my mom back to give her the news that everything was okay for the time being.
Well, I gave the baby some cereal again this evening to see if it will help with the sleeping. Last night, Olive & I gave him about a tablespoon with the formula and he slept four hours this time. I think maybe he is just a light sleeper. Olive never had any sleeping problems and still doesn't, unless you call never wanting to wake up a problem. Ha! Anyway, no word from R, which is actually good. I don't really feel like talking to him anyway. I feel a lot of disgust regarding him now, which is a feeling I have never felt. I consider that good progress. To be honest, I wouldn't answer the door or the phone if he were to try to contact me...I'm just real sick of him.
Tomorrow I think I need to buy two tires. Yup. I figure the two back tires have had holes in them from nails anyway so they probably need to be replaced altogether. I also need to pick up my photos from the grocery store I left on Friday. And, there is MORE laundry to be done. I'm not sure how I will accomplish all this with the little one, but it needs to be done. I'm also going to start doing situps to get rid of this residual pregnant-stomach-fat.
I did some weblog reading today for kicks and determined the following:
1. There are way too many pictures of SNOW... Yeah, I know I live in California where it has been 75 degrees out and gorgeous, but come on, people.
2. A lot of people hate Bush. It seems like more people hate him than like him which makes you wonder how he got re-elected. I certainly didn't vote for him.
3. There are a lot of teenagers who post that they hate their parents. Okay, I didn't exactly like mine either at that age, but guess what? It only seems like they are out to get you...in actuality, they care.
Dreams: The Wave & Mama Mona
I've been having the weirdest dreams lately. The other day, I had one where Olive and I were in the ocean. Well, it was actually a lake and a huge wave (like a tsunami) rose over our heads and was about to crash on top of us. But we had a reprieve as the hang time was long enough for me to explain to Olive what to do as soon as the water hit us. Under the wave, I explained to her what was going on to relieve her fears. I told her to breathe until a certain point, then to hold her breath until we floated to the the top. I told her I wouldn't let her go. We made it.
Last night, I had a dream I up and went to Mexico City with R's family. They had a huge van/bus that was jam-packed with tons of people. No R. No baby. No Olive. They made room for me in the cab at the last minute, but for some reason, I was the pain in the group, stalling the travelers. I made a big deal about having to stop here and there and at one point, I made them stop to look at my FLAT tire. (I guess that is really bugging me.) Anyway, we ended up in Mexico City where I saw my great-grandmother, Mama Mona (who has been dead for about 25 years). She was lying down on a couch and she had what looked like cottage cheese spread all over her face. I went to go kiss and hug her and a little bit of the cottage cheese got in my mouth. Her boyfriend (who looked like a trucker) told her she should get cleaned up. When she came back out, she was GORGEOUS. I could not believe that was my great-grandmother. She said, in Spanish, that she missed me and that she always looked out for me. It was awesome to see her. What is funny is that Mama Mona never lived in Mexico City...she was like 50% American Indian and 50% Mexican....grew up in New Mexico. She used to watch me when I was little and I remember her as being so loving. She had a bird named, "Luigi" as well, which was funny. It got me thinking...where have all the Mama Monas gone? I need someone like that to watch my baby when I go back to work.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Olive, can you get some OJ?
On my way to the bank this morning, I got a honk and a smile from a guy in a truck next to me. I smiled back, but my first thought was, couldn't you see how fat I am? Haha. I still got it. Then I thought, don't you see that I have kids here? It was a nice compliment regardless. I then dropped off my unemployment claim form in the mail and bought two Tri Tip sandwiches, this time for lunch. (Hey, red meat is good for my anemia.) I ran into my uncle and nephew there and my uncle, who usually isn't so nice, said I was looking good. I laughed at that and told him about the guy in the truck and he said, "Didn't he see the kids in the car?" I said, "Yeah, who knows? I don't know if I want to go down that road again anyway." I'm certainly not ready. I decided to go to my brother's house to get the scoop. He was in the yard edging the lawn, which is a weird sight for me. He just doesn't seem the domestic type. We chatted on the lawn while watching the kids run around. My bro said I was looking good, and I was surprised. Maybe I will wear these clothes more often. I think it is just that I am feeling much better after having the baby. Getting back to normal. He says it is over with Christina....even though they were having counseling this evening. He said they just have to figure out the logistics, ie., who gets the house, how they will watch the kids, etc., etc. It's a little sad, but I can't say unexpected. I then went to my mom's to hang out for a bit there and pick up some of the laundry I had left from yesterday. My mom is having a very hard time with us kids. First there is me and my dumb problems, then my one brother gets shipped to Iraq and now JP is starting to divorce his wife. She's taking it very hard. Today she said, "How long do you pray for an outcome when it isn't going to happen the way you want it?" All in all, though, we are okay. I mean, we aren't totally unhappy. Well, JP semi-admitted to hitting the bottle because of the marital problems. There's no way I can get plastered with this baby around, even if I wanted to. I mean, what if I sacked out and couldn't wake up for him? Or what if there was some emergency and I couldn't drive? That reminds me. My dad said I should get my tire checked out again because it looks like someone sort of stabbed it with a knife. I don't recall having any enemies unless it is some kids in my apartment complex. What a pain to have to go get this fixed. Olive is selling Girl Scout cookies and raising money for a jog-a-thon. We hit up my brother and my parents with that while we were out visiting. Olive's dad called wanting me to drive up to drop her off. I can't see driving 30 miles on a weird tire. I could just imagine it blowing out on the freeway. Olive said he wasn't feeling good anyway. To me, it sounds like he's getting the flu, which makes you wonder why he wants to infect his daughter with it. Then me, then the baby. Sure, I can't avoid everything, but why shove it in your face! I told him, maybe next time and that was enough said. I've got so much to do here and I am practicing major avoidance. If I have to move out of this apartment and back in with my parents, then I need to get everything here organized. It will need to be done fairly soon. I've already started preplanning, in my mind, haha. Now, I just have to DO IT.
Now my brother is getting a divorce...more on that later...
I don't think I've had a full night's sleep in over a year. Before the baby, I never slept due to my ex's noctural sleeping habits. The rice cereal didn't help the baby sleep any better last night, after all. He was up at 10 p.m., 1 a.m., and 4 a.m., before I stuck him in bed with me. At around 6 a.m, I put him in the swing because I was afraid I was going to crush him in my sleep.
Thinking of R makes me sick to my stomach now. I have to quit thinking negatively.
Today, I have no plans. We'll see what happens...