The Indian Shooting a Star on a Tootsie Roll Pop Wrapper

It's been a very productive day, I'll say. I was up before the sun rose with Rico ready to face this Friday head on. After getting Olive to school (on time, I might add) I figured, what the hell, may as well treat myself AGAIN with a Starbucks caramel latte and a chocolate chip scone. My favorite. Since my apartment complex was going to notify me that my tags had expired on my car and that it would be subsequently towed for that "violation", I thought I would jump the gun before I got that notice. Lucky me had to get a smog check first. I picked out a decent shop, I thought, and was there at 8 a.m. The little cutie behind the counter said that they didn't do smogs until 9 a.m. I said, "No, your sign in the window says '8 a.m.'" He said, "No, it's said, "9 a.m.' forever." I apologized, signed the paperwork and said I would be back at 9. Well, when I walked out...what do you know? It said 8 a.m.! I mouthed that to the guy thru the window and he sheepishly came around to look for himself. So, now what was I going to do for an hour? Well, I killed the hour at the grocery store right there. I bought Rice cereal for the baby because he doesn't sleep yet through the night. I don't know what to else to do about that but feed him. He's a big boy so I don't see what all the fuss is about waiting til he's 4 mos. old....please.... I got back to the shop and was the first one there for smogs which was great. I ended up talking in the lobby for a half hour with a lady I met about a year prior. She just had her 5th child so we exchanged baby delivery and recovery stories. I thought mine was bad, but hers was about 100x worse, with a helicopter ride to the next hospital, a blood transfusion, and everything. I couldn't beat that, even with my anemia problems. YEAH, my car passed the smog check, thank goodness because I am sick of having to fork out money for everything every time I turn around. I think I am going to check out this website next where the state pays for low income people to get their smogs. Maybe I can get reimbursed for this... I ended up going to AAA since I've been a proud member for 5 years :) to get my tags. Oh, but I forgot, before that, the guy at the shop said I had a low tire, so he just put air in it for me. I made it home safe and started looking for jobs online. Olive was V.I.P. this week at school, which is basically a glorified "Show and Tell" presentation. She wanted me to bring the baby this afternoon. Since I don't know how long I will be unemployed, I thought, why not make her day and be one of those good moms? I showed up with baby in tow and Olive was jazzed. It's kind of a neat thing actually, that VIP. They give the VIP all these compliments and the teacher even chimed in. I don't remember that about my school! Anyway, I did a load of laundry at my parents' and looked at my tire again. It was pretty much going flat, which sucked. But, what else could I do but drive on it. I had to pick up Olive from school after her track practice. I think I went through a thousand scenarios of how to take care of the damn tire. I ended up taking it to the 76 station where they found a nail in it and patched it up for $9.50. Not a bad deal if you ask me. Even better was that I paid for it with the $25 gas card my dad got me for Christmas. Woo hoo! But, this is the SECOND nail in my tires in 2 months. I thought for a second that maybe the mechanics drive around and throw nails out their windows in the streets so they can get the business but then I thought, that's silly. haha We ended up getting tri-tip sandwiches for dinner because I still need the iron. I realized, that and the scone were the only things I ate all day. Oh wait, I had a banana at my mom's. I fed the baby his cereal, gave him a bath and as of NOW he is still WIDE awake. I thought maybe the cereal would help but it isn't. I don't know what I am going to do about this finding a job business. I mean, I am way overqualified in my field, but I really don't want to leave the baby with anyone yet. I could really kick R for leaving me in this situation. I don't think it is fair or right. I mean, this wasn't even part of the plans we had made and now I am stuck and alone. I never wanted to be single with 2 kids and 2 kids from two different fathers to top it off. Yeah, I'm the one everyone talks about at the picnics now. Ha. Lovely. Baby is crying...wait a few minutes...I'll be right back... I'm not sure what the deal is with him, but I fed him again, wrapped him up and rocked him to sleep...so hopefully he will sleep at least five hours this time? That would be nice. I'm wondering if his dad got my 397509750293rd Dear John letter. I should know better than to think that that would provide closure. Ugh, baby crying again. How am I supposed to leave the baby to go to work? It would be nice if I had a regular husband who would provide for his family. I'm thinking about watching kids, getting a daycare license, but I'm not sure if my stickler apartment complex will even let me. I applied for 13 jobs this week...all over the place. I got a call from the Probation Dept. for an interview next week, but it's for a site an hour away and it pays sh*t. I'm so sure. Where are all those stay at job homes I keep hearing about? The lady I was talking to at the smog place this morning is a stay at home mom (but of course she has a HUSBAND). Anyway, what I was going to say is that she started her own business sewing children's clothing and blankets and things. I asked her how she does it with 5 kids and her response was, "I do it at 1 or 2 a.m. when everyone is asleep." She said, "I want to be home with my kids so I will do anything to make sure that happens." I was like a little dumbfounded. I thought, here I am bitching and complaining and what do I do? Whatever it takes? I suppose I will have to! I'm still taking iron pills, folic acid, and a prenatal vitamin along with my daily anti-depressant. This is not the way I envisioned my life would be. I said that in that last Dear John letter. I have to think and hope and pray that somewhere my special guy is out there. Unfortunately, I am too exhausted to even think about trying to find him. First I have to find some income...